Personality Disorders in the Office or Why Does He Keep Shooting Himself in the Foot?

We've all worked with someone who seems hell-bent on destroying his career or someone else's. Perhaps it's the boss who is so narcissistic that she is unable to tolerate any hint of constructive criticism or negative feedback (and will hold a grudge if you're brave enough to give it). It could be the employee who cannot see that his pervasive suspiciousness and distrust of others actually causes the hostile reactions he already expects from others. Or, it might be the subordinate who is unable to make even the simplest decision without the constant reassurance and input from others.

A personality disorder lies at the extreme end of the behavior continuum. No matter how maladaptive the thought, feelings and behaviors, the sufferer clings to them. This is true no how much external pressure there is to change, no matter how many problems the behavior creates. It's as if the person is stuck in a rigid, ineffective way of relating to others and, instead of realizing the costs associated with it, blames others for the outcome.

Personality Problems and How They Grow

We don't really know what causes personality disorders. We know they start to develop early (and are usually in place by late adolescence or early adulthood) and are probably a combination of some in-born behavioral dispositions in combination with stressful environmental circumstances. What we do know is that they develop independent of a person's intellectual level (a highly intelligent person can have a severe personality problem) and are accompanied by a lack of insight.

Recognizing a Personality Disorder

I'm not a particular fan of psychiatric diagnoses unless there are very specific reasons (treatment recommendations, insurance reimbursement) for giving one. Certainly there's never a need for us to diagnose a work colleague.

However, because of the interpersonal problems that can arise with these disorders, it can be useful to be aware of why a seemingly intelligent coworker or boss continues to act in a seemingly maladaptive fashion over and over again. And, of course, we must know how we can minimize the impact of our own career, especially if the problematic work colleague is our boss.

We'll be taking a look at specific personality disorders and how to deal with them, but for now, here's the take away:

A person with a personality disorder cannot, or will not, modify his or her behavior based on your feedback. As such, let go of any thoughts you may have of changing this particular person. You must focus on what you need to do to take care of yourself.

A person with a personality disorder is not a happy person. This is also not a person who is trying to torture you deliberately; s/he is trying to survive in the best way s/he has learned to do so.

Do not expect this person to operate by the same rules you do. This means that you must be prepared to set boundaries, back up communication with documentation, and, if necessary, find ways to remove yourself from the situation.

Employees with personality disorders always have positive personality traits and characteristics - otherwise, they would not have been hired in the first place - but the maladaptive and inflexible patterns can emerge under stress. As such, this is a time to especially be on guard.

The Bottom Line

We all know that doing the same thing over and over will get the same result. For some people, though, that "same thing" is all they know how to do. And, if you're not careful, they'll blame you for the result.

Workplace Investigations: Five Ways to Establish Rapport Under Difficult Circumstances

I spent the first two years of my professional life working with people who initially saw me as the devil. These were mothers and fathers who had been ordered by the courts to either come see me or face losing permanent custody of their child, who was already in foster care due to allegations of abuse or neglect. My job as a clinical psychologist was to see whether or not the family was salvageable and, if so, to see if I could help put it back together.

Workplace investigations aren't as adversarial as the court system but they do have some things in common - high stakes, multiple perspectives, and - sometimes -a strong motivation to lie. Two things I've learned from working with people under difficult circumstances - 1) people don't talk to someone they don't trust, and 2) even under the direst circumstances, most people will respond to genuine attempts to understand them. That being said, here are some of the strategies that help me establish rapport when I'm conducting an independent investigation:

Acknowledge the emotions each person is feeling. Each person involved in an investigation has feelings about his or her involvement; the complainant may feel humiliated or scared, the respondent defensive or guilty, and witnesses may be confused or annoyed. Clues to these feelings are found in the way s/he tells his or her story; to ignore them is to ignore the elephant in the room. Acknowledging the emotional tone as well as the content of what someone is saying lets them know you're trying to see things from his/her perspective - regardless of whether or not you agree with it.

Establish your right to be there. You aren't the only one with questions. At the top of the interviewee's list is, "Why should I trust you?" Tell your interviewee why you have the right to be there based on your experience, expertise and empathy. I typically tell interviewees a little bit about my background as a private investigator and psychologist, specifically focusing on my experience as an unbiased, neutral party. If I've done work for the company before, I make sure s/he knows (without, of course, revealing specifics). If the HR person has a good rapport with the interviewee, I might have him or her introduce us. During the interview, I look for shared experiences that might help us connect, whether it's the tough traffic we both experienced driving to work or a common educational experience. In other words, I do whatever I can to let the person know s/he is in good hands.

Show an interest in the person, not just the process. After the introduction, I typically start an interview by asking general questions about the person's day to day job functions or history with the company. If the interviewee has a difficult or unusual name, I ask him or her how to spell it. Yes, I already know the answers to these questions; I've already reviewed personnel files. However, the purpose of these questions is not to get answers; it's to let him or her know I'm interested in him or her as a person, not just in relation to the specifics of the complaint.

Remove physical barriers. There are countless psychological studies that show the unconscious impact physical barriers can have on our ability to connect with another person. Take them out of the equation; don't sit behind a desk and choose a seat that is facing in the same direction as your interviewee. Similarly, think long and hard before putting objects between you and the interviewee; tape recorders often inhibit a person's willingness to speak freely. This is one of the reasons I prefer to take notes instead.

Forget mirroring. I always bristle when I read advice like, "Mimic the other person's body posture and gestures." It sounds so manipulative. Also, can we really be listening to the other person if we're preoccupied with wondering whether enough time has lapsed before we can cross our right leg over our left just like our interviewee has just done? Trust me; if you're really paying attention, your body will automatically communicate this - you'll look the interviewee in the eye, you'll lean forward slightly when the other person is talking, etc.

The Bottom Line

Interviews are the most important part of a workplace investigation and the ability to establish rapport one of the most critical skills. Establish rapport by easing into the interview, acknowledging the emotions as well as the content of what the interviewee is saying. Let him or her know why you have the right to be there and why he or she can trust you to be fair and objective. Make connecting with your interviewee just as important as getting "the truth;" after all, without the former, you won't get to the latter. No one confides in someone s/he dislikes.